mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
