3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
