My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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