That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
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He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
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I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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