um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
