i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
