Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize