Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
