That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
