you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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