And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
being pregnant is like rehab
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
