we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
