i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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