i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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