Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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