At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
