The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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