Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
