Umm I'm too high to move.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
