White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
