3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
