He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
