Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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