My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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