I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
