she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
