I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think people are normalizing furries
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