just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
