I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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