Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
