So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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