i think i have herpe
just one?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
