Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
