I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
