omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
