after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
