I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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