I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
