I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
