so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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