I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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