You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
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Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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