i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
