i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
