I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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