I am puke
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
