It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
