I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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