Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
