you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Actions speak louder than pants.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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