I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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