You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
