operation harelip BJ is a go
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
MIDGETS
????
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
