We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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