how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I stole a fireplace last night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
