Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
