My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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