yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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