Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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