Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize