she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
