it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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