i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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