I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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