So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
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The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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