I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
