ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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