glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
