Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
