We named our party play list daddy issues
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
