So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
