is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
