Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
