I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
