You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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